I Found A BlO(o)ger While Putting On My Make-Up

IMG_3587Do you ever want to ask the question, when is enough, enough? Where do you draw the line in the sand in the rough landscape of dating? Where is that line, and when is enough? I ask myself that question every single time when I have broken up with yet another boyfriend. And while dressing myself up with make-up (after over a week of fighting poison ivy on my face) I began to ponder those questions, internally of course.

That over-demonstrative internal dialogue that makes me think quite honestly, and in these times especially, that I could very well have multiple personalities. On a sidenote, in the shower and while putting on make-up are times when I have these philosophical debates with myself.  However, with all mental health kidding aside, I still come back to the original question, when do I stop jumping on this joyride called a love affair?

I guess it would only be fair for me to start from the beginning, or better yet, at the onset of the romance. And in this phase, I never think about how it will be when it doesn’t work out. Repeatedly, history has shown me that my timeline of relationships do not have what I consider, longevity.  One would think with my history, that would be the first question I would consider when entering into another commitment. But not me, I jump in, with what seems like both feet. I never once consider the latter.

This realization surprised me today, and as usual, I was in the middle of some deep soul searching. In other words, I was putting on my make-up. While doing so, I was somewhat shocked when I realized that I never consider those relationships, at least in the beginning, NOT working out. And then I wondered, why has it never “worked out”? I use quotes here for those of you who have different standards / ideas of what constitutes “working out”. Another side note – for those of you out there that are hopelessly romantic, I see you jumping up and down beaming with joy that there is “still another one of us out there!”. I don’t suppose that I’ve ever considered myself a hopeless romantic. Maybe THAT should be subject for another blog-dejur, but that will be another day, no doubt.

So here I am, just getting out of a relationship, and I am already talking to an ex-boyfriend of mine which seems to help comfort my very heavy heart right now. And although I have done everything in my power to reassure him that I am in no position to start dating again, I so enjoy his affections towards me. I feel as if there is something within me that lies and says that this will be different than all the other times. I will somehow avoid the pain of another broken relationship; when in reality, history would tell me otherwise. Honestly, that thought right there is what stopped me in my tracks today while putting on my make-up.

Why do I keep putting myself here in this place? Why do I dwell in this uncertain landscape of relationship battleground, and how long can I keep this up?
What is it within me that blindly purses another relationship, and how after all this time do I feel so naïve?

All good questions, you might say. All good stuff to mull over in my new-found free time these days. Ha. Ha. I guess when I come to understand the dynamics behind my relentless pursuit of relationship utopia, that will become the subject of my next BlO(o)ger Of The Day. Until then, I wish you much joy,  lots of learning, and happy day-dreaming for all you out there.

2 thoughts on “I Found A BlO(o)ger While Putting On My Make-Up

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